Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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