WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
