Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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