I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
