in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
