we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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