I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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