Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
