I think im going to throw up on grandma
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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