Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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