today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
wow bdsm is so cute
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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