home. puking in laundry basket.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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