I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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