I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
