I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
