This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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