i barfeds in our rink
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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