I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
A bitchslap is in order.
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