After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
