What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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