i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
