I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
