Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
