I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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