she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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