Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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