Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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