the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
