Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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