I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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