I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
They took my balls.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
