How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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