Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
