did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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