i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im holly from the hills drunk
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
