I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
