I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
