nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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