He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I would ride that face into the sunset
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
