I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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