the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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