so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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