I accidentally had phone sex last night
Your mouth is God's brothel.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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