when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
