SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
