A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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