Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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