you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Rumble strips road head = magical
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
