evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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