Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
