It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
