My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
